Are we addicted to suffering
So many people are live every day a high-stress job, an office environment that is toxic and unhealthy, we stay in relationships where are miserable, keep “friends” in our lives knowing that they have no interest in us doing well, we have family members that drain our energy, make our stress levels as high as they could get, and no matter how much you try to help them, the only thing that you get to achieve is for you to start going downhill with them.
But then, why do we stay in this situation? Have you ever asked yourself if maybe there is a part of you that has some level of pleasure by suffering? Is it like an adrenaline rush, the same kind that adventurer seekers get when they jump off a cliff? Or could it be because you really don’t know better?
I know people that create issues where there are none, I know I have done it myself, and I am definitely not proud of that behavior, unfortunately at the time I really didn’t know different than living like that, in constant chaos, having so much dysfunctionality in my life that could horrify anyone that had some level of a normal life. Even now there are so many things that I still see as normal until I hear myself saying them and it hits me. This is not the example I want my son to have. I am a Latina and I don’t know if it was growing with watching novelas (soap operas) that we got it ingrained that we are supposed to suffer, that guys are supposed to be jerks and hurt us, and that we had to prove our love by forgiving everything over and over.
We are thought to compete against other women instead of supporting each other, and this is not a Latin thing, I see it amongst Americans as well (can’t speak of other cultures since I am not as familiar with them).
Is like the only way we can feel that we are achieving something is based on how much we struggled to arrive at the point when we feel we are succeeding.
Am I the only one that questions why? I know I am tired of having to “be strong” and deal with all kinds of issues, whether they are mine, my family, strangers, etc.
I really want peace, I want to not worry about everything and everyone all the time, like this shit, got old a really long time. But why do I remain in contact with people that only bring distress to my life? Why do I still want to help people and make sure they don’t feel pain, or if there is a way for me to help them fix something, I am there. Now, helping someone when you can is something that we need more of, but at some point, you need to accept that some people say they want help, but they are not ready to change, and by you sticking by them, it’s only going to drag you down with them, and knowing all these you still stay.
Some people are worth us trying several times, and giving them a hand more than once, but when you try to help someone stay afloat, while they keep accumulating rocks on their pockets while they keep sinking should be a no-brainer for you to walk away.
I personally think there are many options, one being that if you have been hurt, you want to protect the people you love, and we like to feel needed, we like to feel that we can make a difference, and is also easier to focus on others and avoid looking into what we need to change and improve.
I honestly believe that is one of the reasons why social media is so successful, it gives us an advantage point to see into other people’s lives. We can see who gain weight, who lost weight, what they are doing, and what they are not doing, I mean you can literally even see what people are eating. And somehow we find that looking into others you can feel better about your life, or worse! But we keep coming back every day for more.
I bet you or someone that you know has looked for an ex- Friend, ex-boyfriend, ex-boss, etc. and if we are honest, what are you achieving by this? You can feel better that you are in a better place or worse if they are thriving and you are in the same place or somewhere worse than where you were?
The only way to explain this is that in a deep dark part of our brain we crave some level of suffering, well Stockholm syndrome is a real thing after all, as well, that we are afraid of letting go, that so many of us prefer to be in a bad place than taking a chance to be in a better place, you know the whole thing about “The grass is always greener…” But what if it really is greener, or what if it’s teal (my favorite color) and actually teal works better for you than green?
Life is too short to live in pain and fear, way too short to be unhappy and you can’t really be happy unless you are at peace.
So, ask yourself if deep down you are addicted to suffering, or what is really stopping you from leaving everything that takes your peace away from you. We all deserve to be happy but not at the expense of taking away someone else’s joy and peace, or more important, we can’t give our joy and peace, to make someone else happy.
So many people are live every day a high-stress job, an office environment that is toxic and unhealthy, we stay in relationships where are miserable, keep “friends” in our lives knowing that they have no interest in us doing well, we have family members that drain our energy, make our stress levels as high as…